Sick nast ugh!!!

I have been gone for a while. NO I am not dead, thank heavens huh.

But there has been an evil, evil virus making the rounds at my house and since I have like a hundred kids who don't like to start their sickness until another is just finishing their sicknesses, well it is an endless array of snot and coughs.

I know ... Ti's the season. Well I am here to tell you that I decided that I was not, really not going to get sick this time. No freaking way. It is bad enough to have a hundred sick kids but to be a sick parent too. Well it is probably what hell will be like.

So I had a plan. I did some research on ancient Chinese remedies for colds and guess what I found?

I know you are dying to know.......

Ginger

Yest that is right I found out that Ginger is the only substance known to man that actually combats the rhino-virus(that's the common cold for those who don't know)

So I learned how to make Ginger tea.

On day 5 of my 3 child's sickness, after kissing many a snotty nose by accident, I felt that little tickle in my throat that means that I am getting sick.

NO Way, not this time rhino!!! I rushed to the store, bought my ginger root and made me some ginger tea. Ugh. That first drink was insane, burning hot, not the heat from the hot water, no the spice heat from Ginger. It is crazy, but I could feel it affecting my throat, for the better. I could feel it killing that darn rhino-virus. Amazing.

Well folks I drank it for days straight until all my kids were healed. And guess what I did not get even get sick. Not at all. It works, it is incredible. I am a believer.

Here is a bit of info for your enjoyment.

"Ginger tea is commonly used as a cold remedy. It is said to boost the immune system, soothe sore throats, and treat bouts of flu. It is also believed to improve digestion and help relieve nausea.

Still not convinced to try ginger tea? Consider these known health benefits of ginger tea:

• Improves circulation and blood flow
• Relieves cold and flu symptoms
• Eases stomach cramps, improves digestion and relieves nausea
• Reduces menstrual cramping
• Helps regulate blood sugar
• Boosts the immune system

How to make Ginger tea

Good Stuff
You so want to go get some ginger and get your tea on huh!?!?

He cares

My husband said that he came to by blog today to read my diary and there was nothing there. He was sad. I was shocked. My husband hates to read, like so much that he makes me read sub titles out loud when we are watching Hero's.
And even though he hates reading, he likes to read this. He is interested in my deepest innermost thoughts. He thinks I am interesting and funny and well, I think he just might be in love with me.

I have had the biggest crush on him since the moment we met. And now it looks like he might like me too. Oh man do I feel lucky.

When I first met him 8 years ago, he was introducing himself and I was talking to him and his brother. Every time I looked at Hubby, he was looking at me like he was in love with me. I knew he liked me. But he never asked me out. I wanted him to ask me to date him but he did not ask.

So months later I invited him over to my house with a group to play games. He came and we were playing games and when the evening ended, he and I were alone in the room, I looked at him across the room and I could tell again, in his eyes that he loved me. So I walked across the room took his face in my hands and kissed him. We stood kissing for a bit then I backed away and he said thank you. What a polite fella.

He later asked me out and the rest is history. But I have always been the one to make the moves. So it just feels great to see that he is interested enough in me to read this blog. Hey babe. I love you too.

Oh by the way.

I found the remote the next day.

I found it. Not "Crazy, Irate, husband with 'Lost' Withdrawals."

Am I the best wife or what.
Where was it?
It was in the couch, He looked there a hundred times, even turned it over, but I was the one who knew how to search.

Wow another talent I did not know I had. I am so talented.

Thank goodness for Prozac and God

So I have to thank all of you who were so nice in my post last week about my sadness. I have come to realize that there are just things that you have no control over. Other people for instance. And they can hurt you but you choose how you are going to think about life. You decide how you respond. I have decided to keep on going with this crazy life and live it to the fullest I possibly can.

I was so depressed for a while there, and knew immediately that I needed to get on medications so I did not go to a terrible place. Since I have a great doctor, I am on Prozac again and I am doing very well. Meds help truly they do but...

I do have to say I credit my Father in Heaven because he has given me great peace. I am going to survive this with the peace that only he can give. He truly changed my heart. My husband and I were able to rely on him, go to him, and although the situation is still the same, I now feel that I will survive and prosper and that it is all part of his plan. He as wonderful things to teach me and I am learning so much about myself, about love, about him and how much he loves me and each one of us.

It was also something else to feel all of you caring for me, a struggling soul. You don't know me in the real life but the things you said the heartfelt concern you had touched me and helped in my healing. Thanks.

My husband is also so amazing. I know this time is hard for him too, but he is so good to me, holding me when I need him, giving me space when I need that too. He is remarkable and I love you so much honey.

I have found peace.

Will you go crazy if you lose it? He is going crazy.

My husband is going crazy. The remote is lost. We didn't watch TV today and so I have no idea where it is but he is steaming mad. He has turned over all the couches, dumped out all the drawers, baskets, boxes in the toy room. He has made a huge mess and still no remote control for the TV. I can't blame him, he really needs to watch a show that is on the DVR. Yes, it is LOST. Pretty Ironic huh. LOST the TV show. Get it. He wants to watch LOST and the remote is Lost.

So he is still mumbling, stewing about looking, searching but never finding. He even woke up one of our kids to enlist them in the search hoping that they might know where the remote was. No luck after 50 min. I sent that child back to bed.

He just emptied out the trash can by hand looking through it piece by piece. It is pretty sad to watch him on the ground on his belly searching for this tiny little miracle of technology. Poor guy. I was helping him look, I really was but he was too irate and I can not handle that, so I told him I was not going to help him unless he calmed down. He didn't so now I am writing a blog.

He may come over and throw the computer soon, he is pretty miffed that he can not find that darn remote. I hope he gives up soon.

Wow, I am pretty impressed by his strength. He is under one of the couches lifting it with with one hand. I married one buff guy.

You know how most men are possessive of the remote, well my guy isn't. He actually hands it too me when I join him on the couch, if has it that is. He never asks for it, ever. He lets me have it. It is one of his very best qualities. Especially since I love to control the remote. He totally thinks I am better at remote controlling. I pick the best shows and can watch several at a time (back before DVR's) So he is a stud. I just hope that we find that remote.

You know what would be a cool invention. To have a beeper on the remote. (like they have on phones) So you push a button on the main device for example the TV or DVR. The remote goes off and beeps until you find it. Don't you think that is a cool invention. I just wish that one of those people who design remotes and their prospective devices listens to the humble request of a avid TV watcher.

Then I would not have a husband who is going crazy. He cant watch LOST because it is Lost.

What to do?

I am not feeling very happy right now. Things are hard on me, I am sad. Bad stuff is happening in my life and I am powerless to control it. It is hard to get on here and write, I think I need to be funny and entertain. But I have to remember that I started this blog as a diary, to help me. So I am not going to really be funny today. Sorry.

When things get out of control and I cant do anything to change it. I have to change the way I think about the situation. Which is hard because I am human and prone to human passions. Still I am trying. I want to not be so angry at those that hurt me and not want to hurt them back.

I want to go Kung fu on them (as Crash would say).

I was talking to my sister and telling her that I really want to not be so angry. She told me it is going to be hard. She said that her daughter has some problems at her school. She was student body president and was caught using her cell phone at school ( her Period had started and she went to the bathroom to call her mom to bring her some clothes). Well the assistant (ass.) Principal called her into her office and my niece lied and said that she did not use the phone. So the ass. Principal decided that since she wanted someone else in that position who had not won that she would relieve my niece from office and appoint the other girl.

My sister was furious. She went to talk to the lady and the lady put her hand in up to her face and said she was not going to talk to her. The decision had been made, she had made the announcement over the intercom and it was final. Now leave.

Her husband talked to her later that night and said he would not bail her out of Jail if she got arrested, and she better stay at home instead of going back to the school. My sister said to this day she is furious and had never felt like she could actually take a gun an kill someone until this woman. She said, if she could she would have this woman murdered.

It has been months since the incident and she has yet to murder the ass. principal. But she has her fury still.

I don't want to kill the people who are causing me and my family harm. Yet. They are just doing what they think is right. But I am struggling at where to put my anger and how to control this rage and fury inside of me. Many people are praying for me and my family. I hope that I can come out of this terrible situation a better person.

I got it.

My ring is here, I picked it up today. Oh my goodness, I love it. Some of you wanted to see a picture so I am putting one on. OOOoooh how lucky am I. I love that man of mine.

When ever I hear the song of a bird....

There is a primary song that I feel represents this day....

When ever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue blue sky
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
or the wind as it rushes by
When ever I touch a velvet rose
or walk by a lilac tree
Im glad that I live in this beautiful World
Heavenly father created for me.

I love this world, this life, these little beings I get to love and who love me every day.

I wish they would stop making me clean up their poop, and stop throwing crazy 3 hour long fits. But other than that it is a pretty cool life and world. Don't you think?

Excitement galor

Remember how I broke my ring.
Well I went to get it fixed and it turns out it is going to be almost 1000 to fix it because one of the diamonds is chipped. Bummer huh, well you would think that but you would be wrong

My husband decided to upgrade my ring, trade in the old one (they gave us trade in, in the exact amount of purchase) and upgraded to a bigger ring. I was like. "Baby NO, I love my ring", so he found the exact same ring just with bigger diamonds, purchased the lifetime warranty, and I get it on Friday.

I am so excited!!!! The real reason he did it, I think, is to get a lifetime warranty. Apparently, I am destructo-girl when it comes to my wedding ring. I have chipped two different diamonds, cracked the gold once, am constantly needing to get the diamonds tightened as they come loose so much. So he figures that upgrading and buying the warranty will totally be worth it in the end.

Hubby says he is buying the ring for me because I "deserve it, since I am an awesome mom and wife."

Smart idea to say that instead of, I am buying it because you are destructo-girl.

Cinderella pick up my shoes

I get my daughters to clean by being really mean, never thanking them for what they do, or saying please, I order them around and they respond with humble little "yes step mother" at every order I give. And guess what?!?!? they love it. Why you ask, how can I be so cruel and yet they bask in the joy of doing every little thing I order them harshly to do. Well, it is a game my girls love to play.

"Mom can we play wicked step mother, the living room is dirty."
OK, I agree.
Cinderella pick up my shoes and put them away now. (said in a mean tone)

Yes, stepmother (given with a slight curtsy.) My other daughter comes in and wants to play too. They fight over who gets to be Cinderella and I tell them that they can both be Cinderella

The play continues until the entire room is clean,
The oldest Cinderella asks, can we clean the playroom now?
OK I say and we head downstairs.
I am nice that way.

Being super mean and getting my kids to clean the whole house, yep I am one nice mother.

Josies Questions

Josie Sent me some questions to answer. I think she is trying to figure out who I am, so to be nice I will answer them and keep the mystery alive. Jk I asked her to send me some so I could participate in her little game. Sweet!

1. If you could only read one book ever again and you had to read it every day what would it be?
I could never read a book more that once without wanting to die. Sorry I am weird that way.
So the book I would choose is the one I should be reading daily. The Book of Mormon

2. If you could only take 4 things with you on an island, what would they be?
My husband: I could not live without sweet lovin'.
Kids: They count as one even though they are many.
Our 72 hour backpacks: they are full of all the sweet stuff we need to survive 72 hours and make fire and cook and keep warm. We have them well stocked.
Satellite phone: To call for someone to rescue us, we only have 72 hours of food and I don't want to kill anything to eat.

I hope we crash on the Lost island, then we would have the Darma Initiative food.

3. If someone you didn't like had spinach in their teeth, what would you do? Tell them, but very publicly, so it would look like I was being nice but really I was embarrassing them. What?!? Is that mean, well maybe that will teach you to never get on my bad side.

4. If you had to choose between your husband and your kids to rescue from a burning building, what would you do? My kids of course. There are a load of them and only one of him. Plus he should be able to take care of himself, and they have there whole lives ahead of them, he has lived much longer than them

Speaking of that reminds me of this one time when we were driving down the gorge and my husband asked me what I was thinking.

I told him that I was pondering what I would do if we went off the road and into the freezing water and our van started to sink.

He asked what I would do and I had a plan, but it was one he would have to follow if we were to all get out with our lives.

See my husband cant swim so it would be my responsibility to rescue them all. I would immediately jump back and unbuckle all the kids. I would have the older girls hold onto my neck and hold each of the younger ones with my arms. I have great swimming legs don't worry. I did synchronized swimming and was a life guard. I would have to leave my husband. I would swim to the shore and drop off the kids and come back for him.

Now here is the part that would be hard for my husband. I told him he would have to stay in the van. Even if he were drowning. He would have to wait until I came to get him. See if he leaves the van he would be swept away and easily drown and we would not be able to find his body to revive him. But if he stays in the van and lets himself drown I will be back, get him out pull him to shore and revive him. I would do it too.

So the only way for our whole family to survive is for him to stay in the Van. I made him promise me he would. He promised.

About a mile later we hit some ice and slid in the freezing water of the gorge. I looked at my husband and said "you promised" and sprang into action. Grabbing the kids and doing exactly what I said I would do. NO, I am just kidding we got home fine. But we did have that conversation and if it ever did happen we have a plan. You should always have a plan.

Don't you think my husband should just learn to swim. I mentioned that but he has yet to start lessons.

5. What was your most embarrassing moment.
Oh, I don't want to answer this on right now. I went on that huge tangent and now I am done writing so tune in another day I will do embarrassing moments for you.

UM, OK.

Conversation with husband

Me: You know you would understand and know me better if you read my blog.

Him: Or.... you could just talk to me

Hello my name is Diary and I am an addict.

Oh my.... what a day, my husband stayed home sick from work so I could not be on the computer all day reading everyone's blog and writing my own. So now here it is almost midnight and he has gone to bed and I am sneaking in a little bit of me (writing) time.

Ok, I am addicted. Who knew this blogging thing would permeate my life. You did! You knew and tried to warn me but alas you are too late. I am in the throws of addiction. I will be OK though, we have a great support system don't we.

I actually played with my kids, and let my hubby sleep until noon, and cleaned the house, made a delicious meal and overall was a super awesome mother. I even worked tonight for 3 hours out of the house. I wont tell you my job because that might give away who I am, I doubt it, but you can never be too careful. It is amazing what a great mom and wife and person you can be when you are unable to get on your computer.

See, I had to show my husband how hard I work each day while he is at the office. I could not even watch TV, he might think I do that everyday. My kids thought they were in heaven, we did puzzles and painted, and had nutritious meals. They have never had it so good. Well, except for before the addiction they did, but who cares....I gotta blog.

Pets

I don't have a dog or a cat, I am really not an animal person. My kids are cool with that because I tell them I can only take care of five things and I chose kids.

So I got a pet on Pet Society on Face book. She is the bomb diggity.My kids get to feed her and wash her. They take her to the cafe to meet new friends. They get to play ball, jump rope, and Frisbee with her. I named her Minzie, my husband got one two because our kids were fighting over our pets and he named his Squishy. A boy and a girl. Perrrfect. Now they can both play with one each.They also get to earn coins to buy them clothes. It has been a wonderful lesson in saving up for what you want. See my girls started to buy lots of food for the animals with their money and then when they wanted to buy that cool dress they did not have the funds. So then they learned to save up.

Now there is some pretty expensive things to buy for your pet, and my girls really wanted to get Minzie a tiarra. It cost 1200 bones. So they saved, and only fed her when she was really truly hungry and after two days they bought her the cutest tiara ever.

We have been buying play clothes for her and shoes to match. Plus fancy dresses and bracelets, she even owns a watch. All that spending adds up and so the kids have to keep on earning funds to pay for it all. They work their little hearts out taking Minzie to visit friends on a daily basis and even to the track to run races. She is not so great at the hurdles but they do fine.

Well we saved up enough to buy her the pink bed they wanted for her and the matching dresser. We even added some cute windows to her bedroom. Now we are looking to put up some cute pink polkadot wall paper. Gotta save up it costs 1200 too.

We have a little room where there is nothing in it and the kids call it the play room and take Minzie there when they want to play ball or frisbee. Smart kids, they tell me the room is empty so they dont break anything or ruin the furniture while they are playing. Brilliant! See these here internets have some mightly fine teaching tools for kids.

Well if you are on facebook you really have to get a pet, it is super fun for the kids, especially if you are anti pets such as me.

See you at the Cafe.

Work it

So my husband and I think that we need to make exercise a priority in our lives, but then after the kids are in bed and we have a spare moment to work out, well we are just plain tired. So we don't do it.

We keep setting the goal and actually never working out. So we had a great idea, we would go to bed early get up at five and workout together.

We did it for two whole days before giving up. Are we just lazy, perhaps. But I think there is another reason. Some thing is holding us back, it is.....Apathy.

We just don't care. I know we should care and it should be important. But we just plain don't care.

Really Who cares if we are overweight, sluggish, and unhealthy. I don't. I mean does that really matter. Is having a healthy body really that big of a deal. Sure there is the chance that we will die early, but I really don't want to live very long anyways with the way my body hurts now, imagine what it will feel like when I am old enough to die an early death.

Sure exercise and eating healthy will help me look better. But do I really want to be even more attractive than I really am. My husband can barely keep his hands off of me now. If I was even sexier and more attractive, there would be no end to the demands for intimacy.

Also if I get better looking I worry that men will start hitting on me, I don't want that. I am a married woman, and I do not want temptations from sexy men right and left propositioning because I am so hot.

This may sound stupid but it is how I feel and I gotta keep it real. I don't think rapists look twice at me, If I get really really hot perhaps the likelihood of getting raped could go up, and that just terrifies me.

If I get skinny and people don't like me then it is my personality not my looks that are keeping people away. See right now I have a great excuse when I don't get admiration, or adoration from certain people. It is because I am overweight. If I get down and become miss skinny girl and they still don't like me then It will lower my self esteem.

So exercising and losing weight will lower my self esteem, men will hit on me, I will probably get raped, I will live to be miserably old and have way to much intimacy with the hubby.

Now just try and tell me I should exercise. I surely don't want any of that happening.

Evil Brother

I think my eldest brother, jerk face, was psycho when I was growing up. Either that, or he hated his little sister and wanted her dead so he could be the center of attention again.

I was 18 months younger than him and he began torturing me at a young age. I remember him beating me up, which is fine because I was never afraid of a good fight since fighting him made me so strong.

Sibling rivalry is normal and all so I get that but...

Jerk face did some crazy mean things.

One time I let him bury me in the sandbox. I so wanted him to like me that I did most things he told me to. Well after I was completely buried up to my head with no means of escape he began the torture. No he did not leave me there to rot, or get sunburned. I knew you were thinking that.

He took a big shovel and put it down by where my feet might have been and said, "tell me when I chop off a toe." Then jumped on the shovel, driving it down through the sand. Luckily it missed my toe. But he did not stop. He inched it closer and said "tell me when I chop off a toe." and jumped again. I was screaming NO and wishing he would stop before he did actually chop off a toe. It was on his fifth attempt that he cut my toe off. Not the whole toe, just the tip, there was blood and I was screaming. He took me inside, rinsed it off and put on a band aid. He told me not to tell my parents or I would get into trouble. I never did. I have a pretty cool scar on the tip of my right big toe

I did tell my parents about all his torture tactics when I was a grown up and they were shocked.

Here is another one....

Jerk face and I used to play this game where we could not touch the ground in the house. So we would jump from furniture so as not to touch the carpet. We would do a kind of follow the leader type of game. Well we were on one edge of the couch and he was leading, he told me to cross my arms and fall straight down on the couch. He said I had to go first.

I did, and came up screaming, there was a pair of scissors sticking out of my thigh. He had put them there to see what would happen if If I feel on them. They were in a good inch. I was wearing shorts and once again a lot of blood when he pulled them out.

He told me I was going to be in so much trouble if my parents found out that we were jumping on the couch. He bandaged me up and had me put on long pants. Once again my parents never found out.

So psycho don't you think? I do.

Now that we are older, he and I have talked about what he did to me, and he has apologized and we are great friends now. He turned into a successful, rich, happy man with a great family and a super career.

Strange huh. After those stories you would think he would have ended up in jail or a mental hospital, but he turned out OK. And so did I. Just goes to show that sibling rivalry is completely normal.

An answer to a prayer/ and Goody Goody Story

So my ring....
My husband came home and I let him know that I found the smaller diamond in my sons car seat so he went out in the dark with a flashlight to see if he could find the bigger diamond. He said as he was walking out that he said a prayer to help him find it.

He was searching through the van, all over and was about to take out the car seat to bring it inside for a closer inspection. He put down the flashlight, and was starting to unbuckle the seat when he looked at the flashlight on the ground of the mini van and it was shining right on the diamond, it was in a place where i should have fallen out of the van or been stepped on by a kid getting in and out but there it was in a perfect place to find it.

We have the diamonds and we just need to get it fixed. Yea!!! Hooray!!!

My husband just read my blog for the first time tonight and he said when he was reading my post on how much I loved my wedding ring that I had brought on the destruction of my ring myself through my own pride and the big guy upstairs is trying to teach me that a ring does not make a marriage. He is right you know. I love my man, he is my dream guy and my gift from Heavenly Father, so I guess I learned my lesson that the ring does not matter as much as I thought it does, it is the love, the commitment and the fact that he is super hot and attractive.

Oops maybe I should not have said how hot he was cus now that I bragged on that, he is going to get in some terrible accident and be deformed and ugly, or he will go bald, or lose all his teeth. I gotta stop that, "I don't want to be learnin' no more hard lessons."

---------------------------------------------------------------

OK now on to my other goody goody story...
One winter when I was sixteen a group of friends, including Jayson, went for a ski weekend at Park West (the old name for The Canyons in Park City Utah.) After skiing all day we were spending the night in a cabin in Park City.

We were watching a movie, and I was sitting next to Jayson. On the other side of me was a cute guy named Russel and we were all under a blanket. Russel did not know that I was seeing Jayson. We were watching this really scary movie, it is called "The Changling" and it freaks me out to this day. So my arms were folded and Jayson reached over and held my hand under the blanket. I was in heaven. The Russel reached over and held my other hand under the blanket. Was I so in demand or what.

Well unfortunately my hands were crossed and as each boy pulled my hand closer to him my arms were getting pulled in opposite directions. I was unsure what to do, it was mighty uncomfortable. Luckily, after 10 min or so, Jayson grabbed me on a scary part and I jumped and he wrestled me into his arms, and I relaxed and was in laying in his arms and we continued watching the movie. Poor Russel, I am sure he was stunned that the girl he was just holding hands with was cuddling another guy.

Well the movie ended and everyone was either going to sleep or heading to rooms to play games and talk. Well, Jayson brought me upstairs to this cool room that overlooked the valley through sliding doors, it was snowing and so lovely. He turned out the lights crawled on the bed and said to come enjoy the view. Which means come make out I believe.

So we were laying there talking looking at the snow when he started kissing me. Well I only kissed Jayson several other times so I had no idea what to do but kissed him for about five min.

Now this is where my goody goody girl comes in. I stop Jayson after five min. and say Lets stop. He is like "Why?" And I say
"I have to know I can stop you."

He was angry to say the least, got up and went downstairs to where others were hanging out. I followed him down. When we got there, My older brother was there and said "You two were totally making out" Jayson said "No were weren't unfortunately your sister is a major goody goody." Everyone laughed. I was so embarrassed and said I was going to bed. I went to find a place to sleep.

I went into the living room where kids were sacked out on the floor. I noticed that Russel was sleeping on the couch. So I went up to him, leaned over and said, hey can I share the couch with you. He lifted up the blanket and I crawled into his arms. Don't worry no kissing or anything happened, he just held me.

About a half an hour later, Jayson came in the room and grabbed the blanket off of us, thinking it was just Russel. Boy was he shocked to see me wrapped in another guys arms. But he just said "Sorry, guys." and gave us our blanket back.

Serves him right, he totally embarrassed me after kissing me like that. I dont remember ever kissing Jayson again. I did end up dating Russel when I was 23 for a couple of years.

That story cracks me up, can you believe I said "I have to know I can stop you" after kissing for like five min. I was brainwashed as a young girl to think crazy stuff about men and kissing and relationships. I was eventually de-goody goodied, and made out like a mad women, but not until I went to college of course.

No No NOOOOOOOO. Not the ring, anything but the ring.

I was just sitting down to read some of your blogs and leaned my face on my hand to hold up my head...

And ouch, I got poked. I looked at my wedding ring on that hand and NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! It is broken.
Two diamonds are missing and I am totally panicked. I start looking around for the missing diamonds. Nothing. Not even in the can of cashews I am munching on.

I run around checking the floor, my pockets, I have no idea how it happened and even less of an idea where it the two lost diamonds could be.


I call hubby,

Honey....
Yeah
My wedding ring broke and two diamonds are missing.
Oh no what happened
I don't know I leaned on my hand and my ring stabbed me in the face.
Well look for the diamonds
I am (tears now)
Where have you been what have you been doing(I hear the panic in his voice, he knows that ring keeps me with him forever, and now it is destroyed)
After some time we hung up and I continued the search.

I went to my mini van and looked in each car seat. That is when I see it, mingled with the old pieces of baby meals eaten in the car, mixed in with broken graham crackers, a lone diamond. I pick it up, it has a chip in it. I look and look for the main diamond, the biggest one. Nothing.

So I must have broken the bar that held the rings in when I as undoing or buckling in a child.

Ooohh, What will I do. My marriage is over. NO, NO, NO!!!!!!

I wish we were rich and on his way home my hubby would pick up a new even better ring and when he gets home he gets on one knee and asks me to be his wife again. Oh if only we were infinitely wealthy, then that dream might have a chance at coming true. As is stands now, I will be a single mother of 5 soon enough.

I do love him and he does love me but that ring was really keeping us together. With the destruction of the ring we have not hope.

The fist kiss continued...

I was fifteen and had been denying my boyfriend kisses for years. I had decided that my sixteenth birthday would be the day I would let Jayson kiss me.

About 3 weeks before my birthday I went on a young women's activity where we went roller skating at Classic Skate in Orem. There was this really cool, hot guy there who, I think worked there and was a great skater. He was a john Travolta look alike with the white jeans and all. Super geeky now but back then it was so hot. All of us girls were all ga ga over him, and kept giggling when he went by and wished that he would ask one of us to couples skate.

Well guess what?!? He asked me to skate the first couple skate of our night. He was so cool, he skated backwards, held both my hands and we whirled around the skating rink. I was in heaven. We skated and talked and spent all the couple skates together. My Friends seemed happy for me but I am sure they were all Jealous.

As the evening wore on, I felt like I was falling for this guy. He won me a stuffed animal in the claw game and bought me some treats at the snack bar, we sat in a booth and ate and talked. (I wonder what my young women leaders thought of me hooking up on an activity.)

The rink was closing and we were all getting ready to leave, putting on our skates. The hot guy had left me for a bit to get out of his skates but I was going slow so I would still be there when he got back. All the leaders and girls were waiting by the door for me, hollering for me to come. When hot guy came up to say good bye. He said he wanted to take me on a date, I told him I would be sixteen in 3 weeks and could then date. He had tickets to a the ultimate concert, Chicago. He asked if I wanted to go, it was in 1 month. I could go, I would be sixteen. I gave him my number and hugged him goodbye.

That is when it happened. He kissed me. I must say it scared me to death. The entire young women's group including leaders were watching and boom there was this hot guy kissing me. I quickly got free and ran toward the group. They were all so excited and talking, I was freaking out. I got home and told my mom what had happened.

I was in tears sobbing and devastated. I had tried so hard and did not make it. My mom was really cool. She told me that It did not count. If I did not want him to kiss me then it was really not my first kiss and I could still wait until my 16th birthday. I felt much better. While we were talking, hot guy called to talk. (I guess he must have been really into me.) My mom talked to him and told him I was upset that he had kissed me without my permission and I did not want to see him or talk to him again, and that I would not be going on the date to see Chicago with him.

I felt much better.

The next day I got a phone call from Jayson.

News travels fast when everyone sees you get kissed. He said that now that I was no longer a VL could he come by and kiss me. (What?!? He did not even care that some guy had fallen for me and kissed me. He just wanted his turn. Stupid Jerk.) I started crying, not because he did not care, I only feel that now that I am older and wiser, but because I wanted to be a VL again. I told Jayson that my mother said that kiss did not count because I did not want him to kiss me.

Then Jayson was really cool, he said that it was true and he would be my first real kiss, the one that I wanted on my birthday and he would wait the 3 more weeks. Cuz he loved me. Aww.

So three weeks later, We had a huge sweet sixteen party and Jayson was there. At the end of the evening he told me he was leaving and would I walk him to his car. He drove a refurbished mustang. (super cool, and extra hot.)

I walked him out to the car, and when I looked back the whole party was piling onto the front porch. Everyone knew that he was going to kiss me, that he had been waiting years for this moment. He stood there hugging me and asked

Can I kiss you?
Yes
Really
Well um No
Oh
Not with everyone watching.
Oh
Well if they are gonna watch you should at least dip me and make it dramatic.

He Did
He dipped me down and planted a good long kiss on my waiting lips.

The people on the porch erupted into cheers, then went inside.

Jayson and I stood hugging for awhile. Then we walked slowly to his car, hand in hand, he got in and I stuck my head in his window and kissed him again, and again, and again. I have to say I was hooked on kissing.

Jayson and I dated for years, I even wrote him on his mission and dated him when he got back. Still nothing went far. I think I was too much of a goody goody for him.

Oh I have one more funny story about Jayson and what a goody goody I was. I will tell it tomorrow.

My First Kiss

I dreamed of being sweet sixteen and never been kissed. When I was 8 I made it a personal goal to wait until I was sixteen to really kiss a boy.

I had played kissing tag in elementary and kissed this kid, Brent on the merry go round but I really felt that once I got baptized I was a VL girl and vowed to wait until I was sixteen to kiss.

Well at 13 I got a boyfriend. Jayson was so cute and every girl wanted to be with him, but he was mine. He was older than me and was in high school, so he would ride his bike to my Jr high every day and walk me home from school.

It was funny, he would walk me home while holding onto his bike, with his arm around my shoulders, we must have looked pretty lame, but I was in heaven.

Well shortly after becoming his girl, Jayson started asking to kiss me. I told him no and how I wanted to be sweet sixteen. He was cool with that, but continued to ask me occasionally. He did not wait around really, he remained true to me, but dated other girls too, after all he was in high school and had dance and such. I know he kissed other girls and it was weird that I was OK with this, because he still told me he loved me and that it was hard to wait but he would.

When I was writing that I thought, how lame. I was really fine with him kissing others girls? Like men need to be kissed, so if you don't give it to them, then it is OK if they cheat on you. I really did think it was OK. Strange. Well I was only thirteen so I guess ideas about relationships were new to me.

One time, during church, Jayson sent his friend to tell me to meet him in one of the primary rooms. I did and he practically begged me to kiss him. His theory was that he had just gotten braces and need to see if he could still kiss. (good ploy huh, I bet he and his buddies took hours to think that up.) I told him no and that he would have to wait. He was mad.

I was speaking in church about Love that day and after the meeting was over, people were coming up to me telling me I did a good job, like people do to be nice. Well Jayson, swooped in and said "You don't know anything about Love" I remember it vividly, was shocked and hurt and walked away.

He then went and kissed a new girl who had just started coming to our church. She became my dearest enemy from them on. He of course dumped her a month later and came crawling back to me. I took him back. We were soul mates I thought.

So he kept waiting, year after year. Until I was fifteen. Then something awful happened. This is too long of a post so I will tell you more tomorrow.

I am crazy about him and it.

I am really in love with my husband, I think he is wonderful, most of the time. But sometimes we argue or things get bad. That is the case on most marriages. Marriage takes work.

Still, I would never divorce him, never. Why? Well there is the kids, and the commitment, and the love, and the temple marriage. But one of the main reasons I would never divorce my husband is because I love my wedding ring. I would hate to take it off and never be able to wear it again.

I fell in love with it the moment I saw it and never ever want to have to part with it. It is lovely, not huge, just perfect. The engagement ring is 3 diamonds, 2 carrots total weight, then the wedding ring is five little diamonds 1/2 carrot total weight. See is is not enormous but it is my ultimate ring.

I could never part with it on my left hand. This ring alone will single-handedly save my marriage. For now and Forever. Silly but true.

Cranky

I have been cranky lately, I mean really cranky. I have even yelled at my husband in front of our friends. Who does that. I know ya gotta make a good impression, that is key to good lasting friendships and then to go and yell at my husband. It was for a stupid reason too. See he got on my computer to search for something and did not save all the money I had made on my pet on pet society, which is a game on face book. So I was screaming at him for it. I ended up hitting the back button and it was fine, I had not lost anything. Oops. I felt very silly.

What is my problem.

It could be PMS, I mean I was really aroused the other day and figured that Dear little Polly was on her way. I hope that is it, I am normally so nice, and sweet, (or so I think). Maybe it is something Chemical. Maybe I should see a doctor and get my blood levels checked.

Anyways, I have been trying extra hard not to get mad today and I don't think I have yelled at the kids at all. I did tell D the oldest, that I wanted to kick her in the face at one point. Can you believe I said that? I never would, I don't even spank my kids if you can believe that. But I told her I wanted to. Who tells their five year old that they want to kick them in the face. OH man, see I told you I was cranky.

My Background

Don't you think that this background and title are so cute. I have to give a shout out to the place I got it. Allie Brown is so talented and I gotta say It is so fun to use her work. Pretty people do pretty stuff and I love her backgrounds. Check her out if you are in need of a great background. Oh and they are free, you can pay her to design one for you too. She is great.

Since the Dawn of time

I remember being young, I remember so many things. But some things are gone. Lost to the memories. Why?
I really would love to remember my mother being nice. She said she was when I was a baby. She said she played with me and cuddled me. You know all that stuff that mothers are supposed to do. Now she even hates to hug. She says she is not a cuddler and I wonder if she really could have ever been. Probably. How can you not cuddle a baby or care for a small child when they are hurt.

I wonder why that changed, when it changed. When my mother decided that I was just not cute enough to cuddle with. It is strange. How can you not always feel that way about your child. It hurts you know. Not terribly or anything. I am not crying about it, but it hurts and is scary in a way.
Will there come a day when I wont cuddle my children? When having their little hand in mine wont be the greatest joy ever. I must have the cuddle jean and my mom does not. I dont want to ever not have that. That need to be physically close to them, to breath in thier breath, so sweet and yummy. I dont think I could turn into that, the way my mother did. She is a wonderful, remarkable woman, truely amazing. But this one thing is probably the quality I do not want to inherit from my mom. I hope I dont.