Since the Dawn of time

I remember being young, I remember so many things. But some things are gone. Lost to the memories. Why?
I really would love to remember my mother being nice. She said she was when I was a baby. She said she played with me and cuddled me. You know all that stuff that mothers are supposed to do. Now she even hates to hug. She says she is not a cuddler and I wonder if she really could have ever been. Probably. How can you not cuddle a baby or care for a small child when they are hurt.

I wonder why that changed, when it changed. When my mother decided that I was just not cute enough to cuddle with. It is strange. How can you not always feel that way about your child. It hurts you know. Not terribly or anything. I am not crying about it, but it hurts and is scary in a way.
Will there come a day when I wont cuddle my children? When having their little hand in mine wont be the greatest joy ever. I must have the cuddle jean and my mom does not. I dont want to ever not have that. That need to be physically close to them, to breath in thier breath, so sweet and yummy. I dont think I could turn into that, the way my mother did. She is a wonderful, remarkable woman, truely amazing. But this one thing is probably the quality I do not want to inherit from my mom. I hope I dont.